'ween

images via mymodernmet.com, refinery29, Thisisnailporn, Oystermag.com

It is with a heavy heart that I write no Halloween festivities were had this weekend, thanks to a wedding in Louisiana that sadly, was not Halloween themed. It just doesn't even seem like fall yet because I haven't spent countless hours researching, creating, and applying my costume (past years have necessitated a wide range of preparations, including fake tattoos, sculpting an ass out of travel pillows, and applying an artistically accurate face painting with Kryolan cosmetics). Because I'm feeling nostalgic as fuck, let's have a look back at some costumes of years' past:

2010 - Day of the Dead Bride





2009 - Lady Gaga





2008 - Kim Kardashian





2007 was Amy Winehouse (pre-mortem) and I'd sure love to get my hands on a picture but it has long since been relegated to some forgotten external hard drive and I can't quite conjure up the willpower to unearth it.

IF I had been blessed with the opportunity to dress up this year, I would have gone as the Black Swan. Not because I fancy myself to be as svelte or as pretty as Natalie Portman but because I've always had a hard-on for ballet and it would be super fun to do the makeup. And my first position isn't too shabby either.

OR I might have just canned all my plans and worn this dress, which surely would have gotten me at least an honorable mention at my company's annual Halloween contest:





$100 seems a little steep to wear Steve Buschemi's face, but it's a chance I probably would have been willing to take.

So tell me dawls, what were your Halloween plans this year? Just don't make them sound too fun, or I'll have an even harder time getting over my loss.