THE OSCARS (what they should have worn)

 L to R: Jessica Chastain in Marchesa, Amanda Seyfried in Elie Saab, Anne Hathaway in Christian Dior Spring Couture, Jennifer Lawrence in Ulyana Sergeenko and Naomi Watts in Zac Posen

The Oscars were a big fat HO HUM when it came to fashion this year. I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone looked...pretty. Pretty and safe. There were enough pale strapless fishtail confections to blanket the Dolby Theater and not one risk-taker (unless of course you count John Travolta's lace front wig). If I were styling the stars, they would have walked the carpet in looks decidedly less forgettable. The Spring and Fall runways provided plenty of non-pale, non-champagne colored options for red carpet wear, so I fail to see why every starlet on Oscar night opted for such snooze worthy "safe" and "pretty" looks. I can honestly say there wasn't one standout in the bunch. Everyone looked great, but nothing moved me. So I photoshopped people's heads (poorly) onto a few of my favorite looks from the Spring Couture and Fall Ready-to-Wear collections. Voila!

duly noted: Edwardian dresses

Vintage Edwardian dresses via Neon Navajo ($175), VeraVague ($350), Decojumeau Antiques ($125), and Neon Navajo ($200)

Blame it on Downton--I'm suddenly noticing the postwar white cotton ankle skimming dress like, everywhere. BCBG's FW 2013 collection showed a fairly modern version paired with the Fall '13 topper of choice, a wool beanie. An unnamed street style subject paired hers with Charlotte Olympia kitty flats and a classic Chanel bag. And hours of etsy searching has unearthed a few lovely options-- the only catch being that most of them have 22 inch waists and hefty price tags (especially for the sturdier pieces). I may be able to save up, but it's unlikely that I'll ever squeeze into something that small without a can of Crisco, a pair of forceps, and an iron-clad pair of Spanx.

slightly athletic

Let's go running! Ha, not really. But let's don running shoes with heartier fashion fare like slim, cropped pants, pencil skirts, and yes, even dresses in the pursuit of Nowness v. 2013. When $500 versions of a running shoe come out (courtesy of Golden Goose, Balenciaga) you know we've got a full-blown Thing here. And even if you won't catch me squatting my way to leaner glutes or pushing 1200 pound truck tires down the street, you may just find me paying homage to Clock Watchers by pairing proper work clothes with all-terrain footwear. It makes it that much easier to run after the bus/flee from street musicians/get home in time for Millionaire Matchmaker or whatever low-budget TV show you've been using to rot your brain lately (personal favorite: The Shahs of Sunset).

Here are a few more affordable options that in my opinion, look no less fashion-y.

1. Nike Women's Air Max $94

2. Nike Free TR Fit 3 Print $100

3. New Balance custom 574 $139.95

4. Adidas Orion $46

5. Nike Free Run $79.97

6. New Balance 420 $54.99

2013

I'm not 100% sold on dressing up tonight (it's going to be cold, my feet will hurt, etc.) but luckily I don't have very much in the way of shining metallics and sequins, so the selection process will likely be not that difficult.

In the meantime, I dredged up some looks from New Years' past. That 2010 looks is SO painfully 2010.

2010: Zara shirt, vintage bandage skirt and bag
2011: Vintage dress, belt, necklace, J. Crew headband
2012: Anthropologie pants, Madewell blouse, vintage shoes

black friday sticker shock

1. Sonia by Sonia Rykiel color block silk top, was $460 now $322
2. Diane Von Furstenburg Laurel wool blend boucle coat, was $695, now $417
3. Kenzo textured knit sweater, was $260, now $130
4. Yves Saint Laurent Charlotte glossed-leather and metal loafers, were $6745, now $472
5. Acne best lux wool crepe pants, were $500, now $200
6. Preen Rombus silk crepe de chine top, was $905, now $543
7. Maje smart stretch leather leggings, were $1120, now $560
8. Jonathan Saunders Benedict cropped printed silk-gazar top, was $960, now $480
9. Jonathan Saunders Belle printed silk-gazar midi-skirt, was $1585, now $792
10. Yves Saint Laurent Tan large Chyc tote bag, was $2150, now $1720
11. Marc Jacobs stud ankle boots, were $895, now $626
12. Miu Miu Bow-embellished snake-effect leather ankle boots, were $895, now $537
13. Richard Nicoll leather mini dress, was $1355, now $678
14. Emilio Pucci amethyst and glass ring, was $275, now $192
15. Alexander Wang Nikola mule heels, were $525, now $368

The grand total for these items, were I to become momentarily insane and buy them all, would come to $8,037.00. Now I don't know about you, but even with a generous offer of free shipping, this is skewing a little bit steep for me.

Did you get anything good on the internetz for black Friday? Do tell! It will help make up for my empty virtual shopping cart.

halloween ideas pt. 2

I've been invited to a Hotel California themed Halloween party this year where everyone has to go as a dead musician. Which has got me thinking a lot about dead musicians. I mean, even more than usual.

And even though there are a lot fewer options when it comes to portraying dead ladies (the men have so many good options: Liberace, Freddy Mercury, Kurt Cobain, Robert Johnson) I've been thinking about going as Karen Carpenter. The garb is quintessentially 70's and thus easy to find. I think I could pretty much use what I have in my closet, but I may need a 'Lead Sister' t-shirt.

Other options:

Mama Cass (prop sandwich needed?)
Janis Joplin
Amy Winehouse
Patsy Cline
Aaliyah
Left Eye
Whitney Houston
Tammy Wynette

Any I'm missing??

i wanna dress like: Parker Posey in Party Girl

Ok folks, I'm about to blow your mind: it's been 17 years since Party Girl was made. That's long enough for an entire person to be born, grow up, and get their driver's license. It's long enough to invent a cell phone app that turns you into a zombie. It's long enough to develop the technology to land on freaking Mars.

images via dovetail, google

And yet, some things can't help but stay the same. I've been mad envious of Parker Posey's wardrobe in Party Girl ever since I first saw it. With her retro-inspired accessories, bold color and pattern mixing, and chunky platforms, she perfectly encapsulated that post-grunge, beginning-of-the-rave-scene-candy-kid look from the mid-90's. And even though I'm not exactly longing for the days when ecstasy was the drug du jour, I'm pretty sold on the idea of dressing like a hot, eccentric librarian. See below:

Ron Herman Exclusive blazer in navy

10 Crosby tulip flared leather skirt

Lanvin round sunglasses

vintage 60's cropped double breasted leopard coat via ebay 

vintage bag via etsy 

Jones NY tie-neck blouse

Antique victorian stick pin via ebay

Christian Louboutin Lady Daf Tartan mary jane

Mango bow leather gloves

Wolford Peacock net tights

Sonia Rykiel sweater via the Outnet

Cuffed denim shorts

Kimchi and Blue victorian boot

Henrik Vibskov tony tiger tights via 

Chandelier earrings via etsy

Vintage beaded tunic dress

Dolce & Gabbana jacquard pants via Net-a-porter

partners in surrealism

Spent my Saturday at the Legion of Honor taking in the surreal photography of Man Ray and his muse/artistic partner Lee Miller.  Miller, a former model, met Ray in Paris in the late 1920's, and she became a frequent subject of his photographs and eventually his lover. She had a background in photography as well, and together they explored the abstract and surrealist movement through then-radical photographic techniques like rayographs and solarization.

Lee followed the traditional paradigm of artist's muse with her striking beauty, but she was also a true artist in her own right. She spent years working as a fashion photographer and exposing the surreal in everyday life through her personal photography. When WWII broke out, she became the first female photojournalist to travel to the front lines and photograph the war for Vogue. The photos she took of the blitzkrieg and the liberation of the Dachau concentration camp have become some of the most iconic WWII images in history.

If you're in or around SF, I highly recommend seeing this exhibit. Now I just have to go see Gaultier at the De Young. And since this wouldn't be a proper post without a poorly executed photo collage, here ya go--a bunch of rad surrealist-approved apparel I found on the interwebs, some of which is potentially quite wearable. Yes, I'm talking about the black gloved bra as a top.

L to R: Jean-Charles de Castelbajac F/W 2011, Moschino Cheap & Chic lip print tunic dress (avail, here), Elsa Schiaparelli gloves, Nicholas Kirkwood flats, Salvador Dali ruby lips brooch, Elsa Schiaparelli shoe hat, Nicholas Kirkwood "pony" heel, Viktor & Rolf look from Spring 2010

The outnet clearance: the good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly

The Outnet clearance sale has commenced, giving mere mortals the chance to swoop heavily discounted designer thingies at prices that they're actually worth. Unfortunately, I'm not even in a position to be having bargains, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming up all the places I'd wear the striped Carven jacket or the Miu Miu top. In the spirit of delusion, won't you come with me on a virtual shopping adventure wherein I fill an imaginary shopping cart with items of clothing that are theoretically in my size and that I would like to figuratively buy??? Oh, but won't you?

1. Carven striped canvas jacket, $174 (was $1,090)
2. Hervé Léger odette leather sandals, $92 (was $575)
3. Felder Felder Lily silk dress, $93.60 (was $585)
4. The Row Williams silk twill pants, $158.40 (was $990)
5. Miu Miu cutout leather and satin top, $303.20 (was $1,895)
6. M Missoni long embroidered wool coat, $285 (was $1,780)


And now, please brace your gag reflexes for just a few of the bewilderingly ugly items on offer at the sale.

Anna Sui dress that looks like something my mom would have confiscated from me in high school because it violated the no "underwear as outerwear" policy. Also, because it's just plain terrible looking.

Marc Jacobs usually knows his way around a vintage inspired look, but this just reminds me of those puffy, velvet flocked hangers in dress form. I imagine it would also make your bust very, very sad.

Marchesa, or the Kardashians for TJ Maxx?!

Thanks to Herve Leger and what can only be described as a patchwork frayed denim freakum dress, I am reminded that 1999 was definitely not among the finest of our sartorial moments. Why anyone would choose to resurrect the trends of the era is beyond the scope of my comprehension.

I won't be losing any sleep over not busting out the pay later card on these particular items. It's no Barney's sale.

la playa

1. Étoile Isabel Marant Hana Romper 2. J. Crew Hat 3. Tamron AF 28-75mm f/2.8 lens 4. Mih Jeans top 5. Laroche Posay Anthelios 50 Daily Anti-Aging primer 6. Immodium 7. Carven sandals 8. J. Brand shorts 9. Madewell straw beach bag 10. unknown sandals

In less than one month, I'll be sunning my flesh on the shores of the Mayan Riviera, sipping lethal margaritas by an ocean so warm and deeply azure, I would swear it's straight out of a postcard. I'm staying in Playa Del Carmen and Tulum, where I will partake (with extreme glee) in the following activities:

1. Snorkeling over a shipwreck 60 feet off shore
2. Exploring Mayan ruins
3. Swimming in limestone caverns that used to be places of human sacrifice (!!!)
4. Reading on the beach
5. Eating lobster tacos by the double fistful

And even though, let's be honest, I'll probably resemble a greasy drowned rat while schlopping through the humidity, let's suspend our disbelief for a second and pretend that I'm endowed with enough disposable income to have the outfits above on my packing list. Surely, if water that blue exists, it's possible for me to look decent in 4,000% humidity. Surely?

is there a doctor in the house?

wearing vintage coat, Madewell shirt, vintage/UO necklaces, Leif leather pants

A predictably hipster outfit I wore to a friends' birthday a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes you just need a uniform.

I'm hopping down to LA this weekend to see a good friend and visit the Denim Doctor. I've heard GREAT things about the place, so I'm sincerely hoping they can mend my favorite black J Brand jeans. There is nothing quite so depressing as having fabric succumb to expanding flesh.

desolation yes, hesitation no

I dunno about you guys, but I'm going to party tonight like the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world. You dig?

Thanks to the few of you who have gone on this journey with me for the past--GASP--3 years. I still have no idea what I'm doing, but I guess I'm doing it.

im not here

wearing Marc by Marc Jacobs cashmere sweater, vintage blouse, thrifted Wrangler cut offs, H&M tights, random socks, Dolca Vita booties

It is colder than Donkey balls up in this bitch. Where's my turkey?!?! I don't want to work tomorrow. 

To illustrate how I feel about this situation, I've pasted the same picture of myself glancing reproachfully over my shoulder into a photograph of an ancient, rotting mental institution. Take that Tyler Momsen. I am more emo than you. YOU PEONS COULD NEVER CONCEIVE OF THE DEPTH AND BREADTH OF MY GENIUS. Or my affinity for photo collages...

omg everybody freak out

Kiera Knightley cut her hair!!!!!!



Do you:
A. declare her the official owner of The Best Bob in the Universe (beating out Anna Wintour, Posh, and of course, the ever formidable Peter Pan Dude
B. Yawn like you're browsing a Land's End catalog
C. foresee numerous copycats, culminating in adoption by Miley Cyrus once the style has completely jumped the shark


If the answer is A, please explain.