Watching a show about competitive poodle grooming has gotten me thinking about the myriad creative outlets we have for our deep-seated daddy issues and psychoses. It's just kind of sad to take it out on a poodle, don't ya think? At least have the decency to put your toddler in a swimsuit competition or marry a Real Doll. Leave the fucking dog out of it.
To make it worse, entrants are judged in the following categories: