Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Day 1: the hunger games

Since you're all dying to know how my CAN CAN juice cleanse is going (ok, I lied, only Angie is dying to know) I thought I'd give a quick update after day #1. In short, I'm still alive. But barely. Let's just say that however much you might imagine this sucks, it actually sucks 1,000 times more. Let's break it down.

For the next 3 days, I will be subsisting solely on eight 12-oz jars of juice per day: IMGP3023

Here's the "menu":

Lemon Ginger Juice 
Ingredients: lemon, ginger, cinnamon, cayenne, coriander, filtered water
What it tastes like: spicy water with lemon juice in it. Not sweet, and not particularly appetizing. This must be what those 2-week lemonade/maple syrup/cayenne pepper juice diets taste like. I'd rather pull out my eyelashes one by one than have to live off of this shit for 10 days.

Green Juice
Ingredients: celery, cucumber, green cabbage, broccoli, fennel, romaine, spinach, kale, parsley, ginger, apple, lemon
What it tastes like: Pretty much what you'd imagine--every vegetable in the grocery store put through a juicer. I drink this one 2x daily.

Dandelion Tea
Ingredients: dried dandelion leaves, filtered water
What it tastes like: regular herbal tea. It should be noted that I had to endure TWO of my co-workers eating delicious Philly cheese steak sandwiches today while I sipped on water with dried dandelion leaves in it. The world's cruelty knows no bounds.

Winter Orange Soup
Ingredients: Carrots, butternut squash, onion, garlic, celery, ginger, cayenne, cumin, curry, cinnamon, olive oil, coconut butter, sea salt, filtered water
What it tastes like: Delicious! This may be the one thing I have to look forward to in a lineup of beverages that are more healthy than they are tasty. It looks like baby food but tastes like an actual pureed soup, not some bastardized health food version of one.

Spiced Apple Juice
Ingredients: apple, fennel, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace, cloves, filtered water
What it tastes like: This one is actually not bad either. It tastes like a healthy version of apple cider. I don't hate it.

Mixed Nut Milk
Ingredients: raw almonds, hazelnuts, brazil nuts, cinnamon, dates, filtered water
What it tastes like: a creamy soy-based health drink. It's not bad, and although it's not sweetened the spices in it trick your mind into thinking it might be.

SO, the question is, how do I feel? Mostly like shit! I was ok until around lunchtime since I'm used to not eating breakfast (horrible I know). Then people started bringing food near me and smells started wafting in and I was pretty much ready to throw in the towel. And I've been TIRED as hell today, which I partially blame on a cold-turkey cutoff of caffeine. The pre-cleanse ritual involves slowly "cutting down or eliminating" caffeine, but up until today I was still drinking black tea, so today was technically my first 100% caffeine free day.

It should also be noted that when I got home from work, I broke down and "cheated" with 1/2 an avocado, which is an emergency measure that CAN CAN recommends if you feel like you're about to die. It was the best avocado I've ever had.

We'll see what tomorrow brings! I'm hoping it'll be somewhat easier, but you never know. I'm still waiting for that clear-headed come-to-Jesus moment when I realize that I never want to eat animal fat again and that processed foods are the bane of human civilization. So far nothing except a vague craving for Wendy's.

Oh, and the highlight of my day was definitely coming home to find these babies waiting for me:


Here's to a brighter, healthier tomorrow.


  1. I applaud you, Jo! Doing a cleanse is no easy feat -- especially juice only. That's intense! I just wrapped up a 21 day Clean Program cleanse and feel great (though I def. had a Sprinkles cupcake within the first 5 days of ending mine). I'm sure you'll hit your stride!

  2. Wow, good luck with this! I'm looking forward to hearing more about how it goes! Great blog too!

    1. The spiced apple sounds rather nice. But please don't obsess about it - you'll always be able to get into those lovely shoes.

  3. Hmmm...I would hardly like any of those juices. You are a stronger woman than I, ha ha.
    And LOVE the shoes! :D

  4. Dude, don't does your stomach feel though?


  5. I did a juice diet for 5 days and thought I was going to die for sure every day, but after, I felt great and really didn't want to eat processed foods. Win/win!
    Good luck!

  6. Hilarious, and you've confirmed my suspicions; anyone who says cleanses are so easy and you feel great immediately is full of shit.

    On the plus side, those shoes are "stop eating for 3 days" worth of awesome. Not sure what that means, but they're really pretty.

  7. I should totally do something like this. Keep us updated! Oh and I love the shoes!

  8. damn, that green juice sounds disgusting! I had something similar in Vietnam - I thought it was lime because of the color, I'd never order it if I knew what it really was. I forced myself with a couple of sips and concluded I don't want to have anything to do with juiced lettuce. I mean, YUCK!

    are you at least allowed to cheat with having some more of the good ones? I'd go for the last three, they seem nice.