nothing but met

Allow me to go all Joan Rivers on you and give you my take on the Met Gala red carpet fashion. No really, please let me do it. I'm dying to share.

Disclaimer: Chloe Sevigny gets an automatic pass from me on all matters that concern fashion. That being said, I honestly do like this mirrored Miu Miu shift dress in an Andy Warhol/Edie Sedgwick let's-get-almost-naked-and-experiment-with-LSD kind of way:

Rihanna in head to toe Crocodile skin--a look that I would HATE on Renee Zellweger or January Jones but that just works on her because she is a saucy little sexpot. Also, because she could claw your eyes out. (Dress by Tom Ford)

Carey Mulligan (aka Michelle Williams v. 2012) in huge ass Prada sequins/fish scales. I like how the spangles light up her left cheek. I'm a whore for sparkly objects though, so it gets a full-on cosign by me.

Solange (the OTHER Knowles) is kind of a fashion darling right now, and I can see why. She's wearing the hell outta this Rachel Roy dress. And hats off to her for going bare-necked. It is so tragically unhip to wear a billion diamonds. Save it for the Oscars.

Don't you DARE say anything bad about Elisabeth Banks' Mary Katrantzou dress. I adore it. The little capelet is like a minaudiere for your shoulders.

Ok, before you go all apeshit proclaiming that SJP should march her dress right back to the set of  Little House on the Prairie, let me just say this one thing--the shoes match the dress. Somehow that makes it ok. I can't explain myself, I'm just going off my gut here. (Valentino Dress)

Karolina Kurkova looks like a gilded alien femme bot (in the best way) and RZ (also wearing her own line) looks positively radiant (read: less creased). She has been fucking with the botox needle hard, and I hate to say it but it looks fantastic.

I kind of feel like Lena Dunham's Wes Gordon dress was the result of a project runway challenge where Heidi gave the designers 1 hour to create a Met Gala look and this designer had a total meltdown when he thought someone stole his thread and ran out of time before he could properly finish the hem. I will say this: it's nice to see her looking so un-Hannah like IRL. Because I'm pretty sure she plays herself on the show, 'Girls.' (BTW: thoughts on Girls? I think it's well written and has charming and funny as well as horribly awkwardly unfunny moments. But I'm giving it a try. And yes, it is so totally whitewashed).

Ok, I know I should give her a pass because she's a model, but I honestly don't appreciate the fact that I can see the fascia that attach Anja Rubic's hip bone to her femur. I also don't appreciate that someone (her makeup artist?) rubbed oil on it before going out so that it looks even more pointy and sad. All I can say is, holy boob tape. (Anthony Vaccarello dress)

And last but not least, Kirsten Dunst's homage to Mrs. Claus. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out if this Rodarte outfit could ever manage to not look Yuletide-y. And I think I've come to the conclusion that no, I will not ever look at it and not get "Santa Baby" spinning around in my head. It is what it is.

So, how about you all? Favorites? Disappointments? Thoughts? Concerns?